thisfishflies: (BE HAPPY)
Lately I've been having these bouts of... Well, it's not depression. I really don't get depressed. Hell, I hardly get sad. I really think I have more serotonin or whatever than most people. Or maybe it's that I just way too laid back. I used to wonder why I'm not really sad ever. Like, I'll read a book and the dog will die and I'll cry, but then feel better. But I don't really get down with real life.

But lately I've just been having these periods of complete boredom and listlessness. I just don't want to do anything and I have this low-level feeling of meh. I'll try to do other things to get my mind off it but nothing really does it. The only way to make it go away for any length of time is to read a good book or long fic. And if it is a bit crappy, the meh will come and I will give up.

It's these kind of moments where I wished I had a therapist. I mean I really do think this has something to do with the ADHD that my dad does not believe I have, no matter that I have had all the symptoms all my life. Hell, my father won't even entertain the idea that I am dyslexic even with the fact that I was in the special reading class with the special ed teacher for a few years, and that I nearly was held back for sucking at reading in 3rd grade. Of course, he also likes to ignore my history of horrible grades, too.

Ugh. My brain has to be fucked up somehow. And it's not the worst thing ever. I mean, I problem is that I'm not depressed. Or sad much. Like, I can understand depression as an abstract thing but I can't relate. I know that with depression, some people can't even get up and face the day, they just don't have that in them, that sad is totally inadequate to how they feel. I have seen this explained in so many places.

But I just can't connect to it. Because I have never been that bad. Even in my saddest times I could make myself happy. It's like other people have broken bones but I've just sprained things once or twice.

So, yeah. Here I am, complaining about being happy. Or, about having moments where I am kinda-not-really-happy. IDEK.

I should sleep.
thisfishflies: (eh tutu brute?)
Okay, I'm not one to contest my grades. I get what I earn and I know that. But, this time it's different.

A couple of weeks ago I had to so a group project with 3 other guys. We made a powerpoint on a book then presented it. The way we split it up was in chapters. I had the second chapter, so I presented second.

Except for how I didn't. We didn't get to me. We got through maybe 8 out of 31 slides because the teacher interrupted us and our presentation created a lot of discussion in the class. As it was supposed to. When we noticed that we might not get to our chapter, the tree of us that were not the first guy started to insert our chapters into it. We would ask questions and do all that "interaction" stuff. Plus, we had to have some sort of intro before the whole thing, so I read a children's book that was pretty much what our book was about.

We got our grades back today. I got a 72. The boy who actually got to go got an eighty-something. I can understand how he "presented" more, but it's because the teacher wouldn't let us. Other groups got by with hardly any interruptions. They got through pages and pages of slides, showed all their pretty pictures, all of that. Why did our group get the short stick? If we had known that our grade would depend on what we got to present, you can bet we would have made it more equal.

God damn. What really pisses me off is that I did the most work. Really. I stupidly said I'd do the powerpoint so I was up til 3am putting all the stuff together. And then we didn't get to use most of it. Ugh.

I talked to the one member of my group who was here today and we are going to talk to the teacher. I'm just kinda pissed.
thisfishflies: (octi)

And it's also for charity to help someone pay for eye surgery so they can see. And yes, thinking about eye surgery makes me want to go curl up in a ball and die, but this girl needs to see, y'all! So, go take a look around. Cool stuff.

also i just finished a crap term paper and want to die in a corner and take everyone with me so they can feel my pain.fuck school can i quit?

ahahah why don't i add all the tags ever to this post. idek.
thisfishflies: (bones question)
Okay. I think I'm going to stop being friends with people who believe in acupuncture and chiropractic or homeopathy. That shit does not work. I cannot argue about it anymore.

It's not even fake science- it's just fake.

Arguing about it with my family and my best friend makes me want to cry. If you won't even read a book about any of it, but still insist on believing it?

No. I do not give a fuck. You are wrong. Science says you are wrong. It says you are wrong every time.

So I'm not going to even try.

My dad asked me "if you encountered overwhelming evidence to something, would you change your mind?" and I said yes. Because if there is evidence, that makes it real. But there is no good evidence for what they think. So until they read anything about it they are the hypocrites. They are the close-minded ones.

God damn I am so angry/frustrated I want to cry. Hell, I am crying. Fuck.

Now I'm going to watch Bones, because that show makes me feel good.
thisfishflies: (bones fish in a jar)
I need the new [ profile] inception_kink post to open, like,now. I really want a fic where Eames is like "You managed a kick in zero-G and just might have Mcgyuver skills?" or something. Where Arthur has insane creativity when solving problems and says to Eames "You don't have to dream big when you dream specific" or something.

Also, I need some Inception icons.

RL Update: my building at school was evacuated because of Civil War relics. The bomb squad or some such was called. There were two helicopters and news vans. Yeaaah- my life is exciting! It was a fun few hours this morning.
thisfishflies: (SPN Zach mirror finger)
My laptop is held together by tape. In several places.

First, the spacebar. When trying to clean out the keyboard, I pried it up. The something broke off and now it does not stick. So, it's taped on. And now there is even more cat hair stuck under there to the tape.

Pretty much my keyboard telling me to go fuck myself, yes?

The next place it is held together- the screen. I'm not quite sure when it happened, but I noticed cracks on the top of my laptop, around the corners. So, like any smart person, I covered them with stickers and tape to hold it together. Shut up- that is my solution to everything. Lately I've had to pop the cracks back into place... You might see where this is going, yes?

I openedit today and stopped.Because the case was pulling away from the screen. This is not good.

pictures of the damage. )

Soooo, I'll be buying a new, cheap laptop next weekend after payday. Like, pretty much the same specs as this, but not broken. And then I'll have to somehow transfer everything over to the new one. I don't know how to do that. Can I do it so I don't have to reinstall software? Cause a lot of my graphics are kinda pirate. Like, all of them. And I don't know how I actually got them to work.

I've never had a working computer when I got a new one. I lost everything when my first laptop died. Nothing to transfer.

Ugh. Just fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. Why can't laptops be unbreakable? I hardly even dropped this one!


thisfishflies: (Default)

August 2011

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