thisfishflies: (BE HAPPY)
Lately I've been having these bouts of... Well, it's not depression. I really don't get depressed. Hell, I hardly get sad. I really think I have more serotonin or whatever than most people. Or maybe it's that I just way too laid back. I used to wonder why I'm not really sad ever. Like, I'll read a book and the dog will die and I'll cry, but then feel better. But I don't really get down with real life.

But lately I've just been having these periods of complete boredom and listlessness. I just don't want to do anything and I have this low-level feeling of meh. I'll try to do other things to get my mind off it but nothing really does it. The only way to make it go away for any length of time is to read a good book or long fic. And if it is a bit crappy, the meh will come and I will give up.

It's these kind of moments where I wished I had a therapist. I mean I really do think this has something to do with the ADHD that my dad does not believe I have, no matter that I have had all the symptoms all my life. Hell, my father won't even entertain the idea that I am dyslexic even with the fact that I was in the special reading class with the special ed teacher for a few years, and that I nearly was held back for sucking at reading in 3rd grade. Of course, he also likes to ignore my history of horrible grades, too.

Ugh. My brain has to be fucked up somehow. And it's not the worst thing ever. I mean, I problem is that I'm not depressed. Or sad much. Like, I can understand depression as an abstract thing but I can't relate. I know that with depression, some people can't even get up and face the day, they just don't have that in them, that sad is totally inadequate to how they feel. I have seen this explained in so many places.

But I just can't connect to it. Because I have never been that bad. Even in my saddest times I could make myself happy. It's like other people have broken bones but I've just sprained things once or twice.

So, yeah. Here I am, complaining about being happy. Or, about having moments where I am kinda-not-really-happy. IDEK.

I should sleep.
thisfishflies: (octi)

And it's also for charity to help someone pay for eye surgery so they can see. And yes, thinking about eye surgery makes me want to go curl up in a ball and die, but this girl needs to see, y'all! So, go take a look around. Cool stuff.

also i just finished a crap term paper and want to die in a corner and take everyone with me so they can feel my pain.fuck school can i quit?

ahahah why don't i add all the tags ever to this post. idek.
thisfishflies: (bones fish in a jar)
I need the new [ profile] inception_kink post to open, like,now. I really want a fic where Eames is like "You managed a kick in zero-G and just might have Mcgyuver skills?" or something. Where Arthur has insane creativity when solving problems and says to Eames "You don't have to dream big when you dream specific" or something.

Also, I need some Inception icons.

RL Update: my building at school was evacuated because of Civil War relics. The bomb squad or some such was called. There were two helicopters and news vans. Yeaaah- my life is exciting! It was a fun few hours this morning.
thisfishflies: (SPN Zach mirror finger)
My laptop is held together by tape. In several places.

First, the spacebar. When trying to clean out the keyboard, I pried it up. The something broke off and now it does not stick. So, it's taped on. And now there is even more cat hair stuck under there to the tape.

Pretty much my keyboard telling me to go fuck myself, yes?

The next place it is held together- the screen. I'm not quite sure when it happened, but I noticed cracks on the top of my laptop, around the corners. So, like any smart person, I covered them with stickers and tape to hold it together. Shut up- that is my solution to everything. Lately I've had to pop the cracks back into place... You might see where this is going, yes?

I openedit today and stopped.Because the case was pulling away from the screen. This is not good.

pictures of the damage. )

Soooo, I'll be buying a new, cheap laptop next weekend after payday. Like, pretty much the same specs as this, but not broken. And then I'll have to somehow transfer everything over to the new one. I don't know how to do that. Can I do it so I don't have to reinstall software? Cause a lot of my graphics are kinda pirate. Like, all of them. And I don't know how I actually got them to work.

I've never had a working computer when I got a new one. I lost everything when my first laptop died. Nothing to transfer.

Ugh. Just fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. Why can't laptops be unbreakable? I hardly even dropped this one!
thisfishflies: (Psych resign)
Well, I was going to make a kinda meta post that I've been planning for a while, but am not up to it. So, I'll just whine about RL.

Recently, my best friend came back from Japan after 6 months. And I'm happy- I've missed her. Only, she is really disrupting my work out schedule. I've only gotten back to it just last month. I walk/run on the treadmill Sunday-Thursday when the shows I watch on TV are on. Usually between 8 and 10. I make an exception for Wednesdays and finish early because another friend comes over to watch In Plain Sight with me.

I like working out. I get that nice endorphin high and am all smiley. I like the slight ache of my legs and love stretching after. But I only feel this way while and after. I have to make myself start by psyching myself up and with the promise of my TV shows.

I only worked out two days last week. The other days I was hanging out with her. And on one of the nights I was getting spectacularly drunk and tweeting about it and probably doing other embarrassing things.

I feel selfish about it, but I don't want friends to come over after I've done four miles and am all stinky before I shower. The only reason the other friend does is that In Plain Sight has been a ritual for over a year and we both go all fangirl-squee over it. I can't hang out with the friend who just came home some other times because I work. I've also gotten into the habit of texting to make plans, and she does not have a cell phone right now. So we can't do the "let's grab something for lunch and hang for an hour before you leave" thing that I do with other friend. It's more of an all day, all afternoon thing. Plus, we really get into shows and marathon things. Like, we watched half of season 2 of Leverage before I realized she had not seen season 1. We pretty much are marathon friends who will spend days together, doing stuff.

But that's not really possible now. That does make me feel bad. Except, she has no health problems like me and is a healthy weight. I am not. I'm trying to get there but the distractions are really messing it up.

Ugh. I think I've said the same time several times. I need to sleep. I work in a few hours.
thisfishflies: (ds Body in station)
There are many ways in which I am weird. Like, I love getting shots and standardized testing. If someone said "Hey, do you want to take the SATs and then get a vaccination booster?" that would be the best day ever.

I also love mind-numbing tasks. Simple things like collating, photocopying, vacuuming, stapling, laminating, and (my favorite) stuffing envelopes.

At my mom's old job I would come in whenever she had to stuff several hundred envelopes and do it for her. I'd get sad if she did it herself. Sometimes I'd even get to put them through the postage meter.

That is how boring I am. Give me a stack of paper and tell me to fold it and I'll do it all day.

This is why I think I would be awesome in an office environment. Some people start at the entry level jobs with the hope of moving up the ladder but I would just be happy with my white-out and staple remover and my size 10 window envelopes.

I need to start doing origami. Paper is fun~


thisfishflies: (Default)

August 2011

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