thisfishflies: (BE HAPPY)
[personal profile] thisfishflies
Lately I've been having these bouts of... Well, it's not depression. I really don't get depressed. Hell, I hardly get sad. I really think I have more serotonin or whatever than most people. Or maybe it's that I just way too laid back. I used to wonder why I'm not really sad ever. Like, I'll read a book and the dog will die and I'll cry, but then feel better. But I don't really get down with real life.

But lately I've just been having these periods of complete boredom and listlessness. I just don't want to do anything and I have this low-level feeling of meh. I'll try to do other things to get my mind off it but nothing really does it. The only way to make it go away for any length of time is to read a good book or long fic. And if it is a bit crappy, the meh will come and I will give up.

It's these kind of moments where I wished I had a therapist. I mean I really do think this has something to do with the ADHD that my dad does not believe I have, no matter that I have had all the symptoms all my life. Hell, my father won't even entertain the idea that I am dyslexic even with the fact that I was in the special reading class with the special ed teacher for a few years, and that I nearly was held back for sucking at reading in 3rd grade. Of course, he also likes to ignore my history of horrible grades, too.

Ugh. My brain has to be fucked up somehow. And it's not the worst thing ever. I mean, I problem is that I'm not depressed. Or sad much. Like, I can understand depression as an abstract thing but I can't relate. I know that with depression, some people can't even get up and face the day, they just don't have that in them, that sad is totally inadequate to how they feel. I have seen this explained in so many places.

But I just can't connect to it. Because I have never been that bad. Even in my saddest times I could make myself happy. It's like other people have broken bones but I've just sprained things once or twice.

So, yeah. Here I am, complaining about being happy. Or, about having moments where I am kinda-not-really-happy. IDEK.

I should sleep.

Date: 2011-02-23 11:35 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] severedscythe.livejournal.com
Augh, babe. I get the same thing. And somtimes it just doesn't WORK. Not caring about shit just makes me twitchy and feel horrid, so I think I get where you're coming from? Feel free to shut me up, but yeah. <3 SOLIDARITY FOR AD/H/D BRO

Date: 2011-02-23 12:52 pm (UTC)
ext_95695: Picture of a fish, "teh fish!!1" (Default)
From: [identity profile] thisfishflies.livejournal.com
XD

Also I've been seeing you around SF_D lately, bb~

Although, this morning I woke up feeling blarg instead of meh. I just want to world to fuck off and die, plskthnx. Mostly because I still have not gotten the iced coffee I've wanted for a week now. Right now I believe that everything will be solved when I get that coffee. And/or when I get paid. Money/coffee makes everything good.

Date: 2011-02-23 12:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] severedscythe.livejournal.com
Hyeah. Apparently I'm a bit of a dick/ass, whatever. XD IDEK.

Augh, bb. That is so totally not cool. The only thing that really works for me in those instances is getting out of the house and doing something, because blargh. Not doing anythingmakes it worse. So gross. I really do hope you feel better soon, okay? <3 Sick brains are the worst.

Date: 2011-02-23 12:57 pm (UTC)
ext_95695: Picture of a fish, "teh fish!!1" (Default)
From: [identity profile] thisfishflies.livejournal.com
I'm one too! SF_D makes me so happy. Like, when there is a good fail I seal clap and make tea.

The good thing is that week after next is my spring break! So like, 5 days of nothing but maybe tv marathons. I should make up a schedule for my shows. You know,. instead of paying attention in class right now. IT'S FOR MY MENTAL HEALTH, OKAY, TEACHER. :D

Date: 2011-02-23 12:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] severedscythe.livejournal.com
It's a bit awkward when -I- make a fail, tho. BLARGH. I love that community though.

Oh, that's awesome! YAY CATCHING UP SHOWS. Man, I gotta catch my shit up, for srs. And if it makes you happy, then go for it. YES TEACHER IS FOR MENTAL HEALTH AND ALSO HILARITY IT MUST BE DONE

Date: 2011-02-23 03:31 pm (UTC)
bauble: (Default)
From: [personal profile] bauble
*hugs* Is there any way for you to see a therapist on your own or through work/school or something? I think it would really help :/

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