thisfishflies: (beat)
[personal profile] thisfishflies






run. fly.



I want to run.


This is the thought I have every day. I want to run.

I don't want to walk. I don't want to jog. I want to run.

I want to run so fast the sidewalk is just a color. I want to run into the wind. I want to sprint. I want to feel like I am gouging divots out of the ground with every step. I don't want to step- I want to leap.

I don't want to notice that I'm going up a hill until I've gone down it. I want the ground to crunch and rocks to be kicked up behind me.

I want to run for hours, until I can't feel my feet. Until any pain has just given up and died somewhere back there. I want to run forward.

I want to run somewhere else. I want to run through everywhere I've been. I want to run straight. I want to pivot around sharp turns.

I want to run until my anger turns into laughter. I want to look behind me and see something unfamiliar but it doesn't matter because I ran there. If I go fast enough any problems won't be able to catch up.

I want to run alone. I don't want people to know me when I run. I don't want to know them.

I want to run barefoot. I want to feel the surfaces under me. I want to stumble but catch myself on the balls of my feet and just hang in that moment before continuing. I want to scrap my palms but not notice.

I want to run until my lungs hurt. I want to run until my lips are chapped. I want to be dizzy when I stop because the world feels like it is going backwards.

I want to run to class, ignoring how my books dig into my legs. I want to weave between the other students as if they were trees. I want to run across the Green because it is there.

I want to run so fast and spread my legs so far that I'm afraid I'll fall of the treadmill. I want the pounding of my feet to scare my cats. I want to rattle everything so much it might break.

I don't want to run to "get into shape". I don't want to run to be healthy. I don't want to run because I'm "ashamed of my weight". I don't want to run because it would help my messed up heart. I don't want to run because my father tells me I should, that it would be good for me.

I want to run because I can. I want to run because I can't.







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thisfishflies

August 2011

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